Benson showed me a side of him I was blind to until after we were married. When he punched me the first time, the night after we were married, I told him I wanted an annulment. He apologized, even cried, telling me he had a run in with his mother and she accused him of somehow being responsible for what happened to Rebecca. I thought that was horrible so I forgave him and he was on his best behavior for the next few months. The next time he punched me he smiled at me in a way that spoke louder than any words he ever spoke. He told me his mother was right about him and he was going to make me watch him kill my children one by one, and then he was going to kill me just like he’s killed all of his past wives. All he said. I immediately found a way to make contact with Mark and Luke, a back channel they both seemed to know I’d need. He roared in anger but feared Luke in a way I don’t think even he expected. Luke approached him with out fear and wrapped his hand around his neck before slamming him against the wall. I have never experienced that kind of fear in my life. But I do know what it has to be like for women and children living in a house with a malevolent man, or woman for that matter. My kids were terrorized and I almost lost my life. I must take some responsibility for what happened because all in all I didn’t want to be with Benson for the right reasons. I felt sorry for him, felt as if he needed a woman like me. I was to blind to see what was right in front of me all along. Sadly, it is true, some of us don’t see until it is too late and like JR said, one warning is all many ever get. I had one before Benson ever hit me. He liked to watch movies of animal torture, I believed they were home videos, of people of like man he had connected with. I saw this but I convinced myself I was making to much of it. I thought to bring it up to Mason or Mark but I knew they would tell me to call off the wedding and I didn’t want to disappoint Benson because I was feeling insecure. I think it’s the idea of causing your tormentor harm that deters a woman from seeking help. It was a painful lesson, painful in every way imaginable but I learned. I am a benevolent person and definitely prefer being around people who are of like nature. I cherish the McGinnis family as they have pulled me from the jaws of death on several occasions and guided me to the right paths that are best for me in life.
