Wow, Jordan I have similar story. I think the only kind of secret that isn’t as destructive when revealed is one about oneself. Like choosing to keep a health issue about oneself private. Or keep a fear or discomfort about something or someone hidden until the right time comes to speak up. And the right time always comes. But when a secret involves anyone else it is dark and very destructive. I have had patients whose lives were torn apart by ugly secrets, covered in layers of hideous lies the protect the secret. The bigger the secret, the more lies one has to tell to keep it hidden.
Here’s my story: I was seeing a mother who was worried about her two daughters. They were both young teenage girls who went from carefree, fun-loving, beautiful girls, to depressed, withdrawn, ashamed girls. She had taken one to have an abortion her husband insisted the girl have. A year latter the younger sister became pregnant and she was so ashamed she kept it hidden until it was too late to have an abortion. Her father beat her so badly the child did not survive and she had wounds that healed but the scares will forever be a reminder of the beating she barely survived. While in the hospital she told everything. Her father was raping her and her and had been for years. She told her mother she hated her because she knew what was going on but refused to believe it. I had to agree with her. Well, her unwillingness to confront the issue ruined the lives of her two daughters, her husband went to jail for rape, attempted murder, and I think second degree murder for the death of the little boy, his son. He remains there to this day. The girls were so badly scared by what he did to them they struggle to live normal lives and form meaningful relationships. I fault the father for what he did but I also place blame on the mother because she allowed it, pretending to be unaware. It was a horrible situation and the mother is now an alcoholic, struggling to provide for herself.
To me secrets are for cowards, and the short-comings of a coward can create serious hardships in the lives of everyone around them.
