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TOPIC: Comfort Within!

Comfort Within! 7 months 4 weeks ago #3704

  • Benji
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I saw all kinds of secondary forms of reaching inner peace. My step father enjoyed beating my brothers up. He enjoyed causing physical pain along with drinking and smoking pot. He didn’t do anything the right way and it cost the lives of nearly everyone in his family. Both his sons died violent deaths, after killing him, and mom is finally dead. I have to say, I always knew when to stay out of his way. I also sensed there was something about Deb and me that held him at bay. He never touched us. He hardly worked but the bills continued to be paid. We now know our father was paying the bills. It was a strange set up. I mean, mom was pretty but she was ugly on the inside. How she got that way is not clear but she had issues and so do her sisters. At the end of the day, we all know what those we spend a significant amount of time with, are capable of. We know when they are up to. I always knew when my oldest brother was about to do something real bad. I also know when he did it because he’d come home and pace back and forth, breathing hard and talking to himself. He didn’t have to come to me and anything before or after he did something. When they killed their father, our step father, I knew he was going to do it after the last beat down he got from his father. I knew by the look in his eyes that was it. My brother right under him snapped as well, because he was beaten up the day before. He had a huge swollen black eye and a big gash in his head. Mom kept trying to take care of it and she cried. She feared he was going to kill my brothers if something didn’t happen. We all feared he was going to kill them one day. I wasn’t upset when they both came into the house looking like they had just done something real crazy. They were wondering what to do with their clothes, and mom went in with a bag. I helped her put their things in the bag and we took it out and buried it. They took a shower and put on clean clothes. Mom knew, and so did we. My oldest brother admitted he killed him when the police came to tell my mother her husband was found murdered. My brother said he wanted to go to jail, and they took him, sentenced him, and he died in prison.

I think it’s important for us all to be aware of everything going on around us, and what happened to Shawn is a good example why. I have felt danger around me my two brothers were crazy, scary crazy. I was scared of them. Many people were afraid of them. I also loved what Mason said about how hard it is to live up to the societal expectation’s men face. I’ll be working on my sixth sense going for that’s for sure.
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Comfort Within! 7 months 4 weeks ago #3705

  • Mary
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I tell you one thing, I agree with Mark when he says we won’t address things because it makes us responsible for it. Once you acknowledge it you bare some of the responsibility for whatever you’re acknowledging. I knew I was married to a bad man. I knew what he was about almost immediately. But he was cute, I told myself he worked with my brother and he was fine. Every time he showed a side of himself that disturbed me, I told myself he worked with my brother, he was fine. I refused to deal with what I knew deep down inside. So, we might not know everything those close to us are doing when they are doing it, but we know they are up to something and it’s not good. My Mike was very scary at times and I knew he was capable of doing some underhanded things. After his accident I could no longer turn a blind eye. He just couldn’t mask his true self. He was bitter, resentful, and the hate that was at his core grew stronger and stronger practically every day. My point is, I agree, we have to stop ignoring what is happening right in our faces. I’m glad I see sincerity in my current husband, love, compassion, understanding, all the things that anyone could ask for, need, or want in a partner. And I love him.

I appreciate what Mason said as well. I think people, all people tend to have far too much pressure from society to be a particular way. I like being a Gnostic because I can be myself. I like being myself.

I also think I want to start fine-tuning and paying attention to my instinct, my sixth sense.
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